Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	tiger army-santa carla twilight

the No-Carb diet anonymus
So some group of "researchers" have decided that the lo-carb diet is on the out and Weight Watchers is back in...THANK THE GOD.

"Personally, I am shocked that the low-carb craze had such legs," Montuori tells WebMD. "On the one hand, the idea you can eat all the meat and eggs and cheese you want -- that is hard not to like. But no cookies or bread? We are a wheat-loving country. Processed wheats are the carbs we like to eat." says Don Montuori, editor for Packaged Fact Reports at MarketResearch.com, a market analysis company.

and here is why...

It really is quite interesting, dieting used to be something you did privately. I mean it wasn't something you really wanted to be public knowledge that your fat ass was trying out the latest Grapefruit Diet or the Liquid Diet. In highschool, being that it was an all girls boarding school, dieting and eating disorders were a way of life. It was common knowledge that everyone was on a certain type of diet, some a coffee and cigarette regime and others a water and cucumber number, regardless we all took part in dieting. Most of the girls I knew had their version of a eating disorder, and at times a mixture of all 3, but we almost never discussed it. If you saw someone gnawing on celery with salt, hey kudos to you buckaroo, pass me my coffee and give me another cigarette. At the time it I was really amazed at which the gusto the girls took to their dedication to being their ideal...I mean I grew up on the rez. Being a bit cushiony around the midriff wasn't no thang. Shit, you were happy to get 3 meals a day and for the most part really spent no time lolling around wearing a bikini, it's the desert. So being affronted by it all basically kinda scarred and scared me into believing that being thin was no picnic.

8 years down the road...I am working too many jobs, one being at a cafe...

Ass of Steel Customer (ASC) "Hi, uh what do you have that has no carbs?"

V "Well, uh, we have a lo-carb blended drink, but..."

ASC "Oh, how many carbs are in it?"

V "Um, not too many I think."

ASC "I mean like 10% or less?"

I read the packaging.it reads like a riddle...blah blah part to a half part blah blah blah is half a package to one container...blah blah blah...

V "less?"

ASC "hmmm, so you don't have anything that doesn't have any carbs?"

I look around...suspiciously wondering when these dangerous carbs are going to pop out of the cabinetry and beat this stupid woman to death, no-carbs aren't going to solve her stupidity.

V "We have water."

ASC "I don't want water, I want a mixed coffee drink, don't you have sugar-free anything?"

V "Yeah, we got sugar-free syrups & coffee, that is no-carbs right?"

ASC "Yeah but I want it blended, can you blend it at least?"

V "Of course."

I turn to take the coffee, ice and sugar-free Vanilla to blend.

ASC "No, no, no make me the lo-carb Mocaccino, I don't want that fake stuff, gives you cancer y'know...aspartame."

I turn away from and roll my eyes. Lord give me strength.

V "Look, the reason it is lo-carb is because instead of using milk we use half & half...the package has some sugar in it, but the half & half compensate for the carbs in milk but all the fat and sugar are still there..I mean carbs can't be that bad."

ASC "I said I want the lo-carb Mocaccino, can you make it or not?"

V "I can make it."

Everyday there is some form of this sort of interaction with strangers. Whether it is while working, and this applies to all the jobs; on set, behind a counter, on the computer...I am surrounded by tossed salads, random forms of meat and cheese.

ASC "Good, y'know the lo-carb diet really changed my life, everyone I know is on it and it has done wonders for my daughters, they were a bit chunky round the middle..."

V "Oh, uh-huh, that's wonderful."

She's perturbed, I can hear the strain in her voice, the woman's personal righteousness has found a cord and I've been strumming since she walked in here.

ASC "Y'know it wouldn't be a bad idea if yu gave it a try..."

I turn to look at her, incredulous.

ASC "A "pretty" girl like you could really benefit."

V "Would you like whipped cream on that?"

She digs in her purse.

ASC "Yes."

V "Well, I know I could be prettier but lately my self-esteem has been so low I've decided that I am going to die a lonely sad death, but now that you mention it, I think you're right..."

ASC (uneasy) "What do you mean?"

V "It's the carbs fault, I mean why else did we got war with Iraq? Carbs...global warming? Carbs. My lack of dates, carbs..."

We just stare at one another, I ponder if she is going to ask for my boss, I ponder if she'll laugh uncomfortably, and I ponder why in the hell am I having this conversation.

ASC "How much do I owe yu?"

V "That'll be $4.25."

and an apology.